whoops....

huge binge last night. i mean BIG. i really thought i was going to throw up just because of the pressure from it in my stomach. but i did NOT purge. nor have I weighed myself this morning. i'm probably at the moment about 116 pounds.

ew.

I'm so frustrated with myself. I was feeling back to my old ways, i really had my old "anorexic" mindset back and i miss it. I hate the "bulimic" mindset so much! It's the anorexic one that helps me lose weight and gives me something to control.

I don't want to have to see that number on the scale. So i haven't. I'm not weighing myself until about Friday probably, halfway through the fast.

my fast starts tomorrow! I'm way excited because...well i'll finally feel like i have something MOTIVATING me. 10 days withot eating? i CAN do this. i've done it before. it'll be a juice fast.

every morning i'll have a glass of 100% cranberry juice. for lunch I'll have a glass of fat free milk.
i'll get protein and sugar to keep me going every day. and i have no parents to stop me because they're leaving on a cruise for 10 days. :)
July 1 I'm going on a trip to Ithaca, NY, for music camp. Way excited!! I'll have to eat then though....heavily restrict more like :) I can't wait to go into ketosis and burn all this fat off!

happy fathers day! I bakes my dad cookies. And ate way too much of the batter when i was making them.
x.O
off to comment all your posts! much love,

sasha
xx