Tuesday, June 15, 2010

interesting day...

good restrictive day :) I didn't follow my 390 cal plan but i'm at about 600 or so!

1. orange and yogurt for breakfast, pictured on the right (very little makeup...apologies for the gross face lol) (210 calories)

2. tuna fish for lunch. i wasn't going to eat it but i was just in the kitchen staring at the food for about 15 minutes and my mom noticed and thought iw as going to eat tuna! (125 calories)

3. dinner was another orange and miso soup (about 290 calories)

total:625 calories. not bad not bad.

having serious problems with my boyfriend. all he wants to do is hook up, i'm so tired of it. i don't even know if he cares about me anymore. horribly enough this just makes me think "if i get back into anorexia we're going to break up!" and i get all excited and start starving and overexercising.

i'm sad and excited at the same time. sad because i love him but excited because physical intimacy terrifies me and he always pushes and pressures. i know he loves me but come on... there should be more to the relationship than messing around, and i feel like my emotions and needs are totally being put on a back burner here.

YES i have tried to tell him "when i say no i mean no!" and of course he stops but then he does it all over again the next day. (i've never felt actually violated by him before fyi, he does love me and he would never rape me or something).

my therapy session went well today...i can't even really remember what we did though because my mind is so consumed with my boyfriend problems :P

going to the gym in about 20 minutes! yay! running at least 3 miles and hopefully biking 6. and i'm hoping i can just elliptical for an hour or so. super excited to burn calories!

my plan has been going well also. i kept telling myself today "you're pretty, don't be ashamed, you're pretty..." and i haven't had the urge to binge! hooray! but i did drink a 32 oz diet coke...the caffeine addiction might be kinda hard to come off of :)

nutritionist tomorrow...ugh weighing :( i'll weigh tomorrow and let yall know what it is! (i hope i don't have a breakdown lol)

love you all lots




Charlie said...

Hello, new friend! Glad you enjoy the thinspo. That's what it's there for!

A@ Please Don't Eat Me! said...

if your man tries to push you into doing something you don't want to do, its not worth it. seriously, trust me on this one.. because if you feel BAD about it in any sort of way, that feeling will come back and come back again..
i think its good hes attracted to you, but not so good, if hes pressuring you!!

you are pretty!!! i love the yogurt pic! hahaha