Graduation week = food everywhere (long post)

So this week i was supposed to do the Challenge diet. uh....yeah. i really don't want to talk about how much of a fuck up i am.
Point blank, I fail. i fail like nothing ELSE. and i'm an even bigger fail because my sister caught me purging and told my mother. she thought i'd quit that.
well hellooooo! if you were eating like a fucking horse all week you'd purge up too!

anyway. i don't know what to do because now they're threatening treatment centers.
i don't want to get better i don't want to get better i don't want to get better
I DON'T WANT TO GET BETTER.
and my poor boyfriend, he's so worried about me, he keeps going on about how he wants me to be healthy. i feel like he's codependent on my health which is bad. if i am not eating, he always gets worried.
if i go into a treatment center, i WILL be breaking up with him.

and that kills me but it's for his lovely benifit. i don't want him to have to deal with a seriously mentally ill girlfriend.
in other news, i got a lot of shit for graduation. :) besides weight gain of course.

about 545 dollars. a 160 gig classic Ipod. a laptop (which i am on right now). and a necklace that apparently cost my parents as much as the laptop.
:O holy fuck that's a lotttt of money for a necklace.

i'm not going to church anymore, it's too hard to be anorexic when you're getting love and hope preached at you once a week. (so weird but true. feeling loved and content makes me want to...well.... recover. hell noooo!)

anyway, i've binged for a week straight and my stomach is showing it :(

tomorrow: gym!! for a couple hours. AND counseling. yay! i really do love counseling. i'm gonna ask her what she thinks about me getting prescription for anxiety. i'm such a fucking basket case hahahaha.