Friday, January 22, 2010

Recovery: Day 1

picture of me going to formal. just showing you all what i look like when i'm smiling.

.5 cups oatmeal
1 cup 2% milk (i'm having mom get skim when this fat filled shit is gone)
25 almonds
calories: 450

1 large apple
1 sandwich (whole wheat bun, ham)
1 babybel cheese
fruit cup

calories: 400

2.5 cups salad w/ vinaigrette

calories: 40

Eating is pretty hard, not going to lie. But something just hit me today. I realised that I think that if I'm not thinner than everyone else, nobody will love me or respect me. Why on earth do i think that? I have no idea, because nobody's ever done something to make me think that. In fact, I had more friends AND a boyfriend when I was 130 pounds. (as in, when I was fat.)
We're eating pizza tonight - ack! - but since i've had all my dairy servings today i'm going to ask mom to keep the cheese off of my slice. I think she'll be okay with it.

But I've decided these five rules are what I'm going to try to live by:

1. Eat when I'm hungry
2. Don't eat when I'm not hungry (NO BINGEING)
3. Eat 5 servings of grain a day, and 3 servings of protein a day
4. Avoid mirrors like the plague when I'm not in the bathroom
5. Try to remember I'm beautiful...

Now, I already feel like a fat cow for eating all that food and it's pouring rain outside. Don't get me wrong - i'm actually in a pretty bad mood.
If I can't get better, I'll be sent to Arizona for an inpatient center for about 6 months. Hopefully that doesn't have to happen. I don't want to have to leave California.
I love you all.


Sasha Roe


BlAnCh said...

pretty XXDDD

oh my gosh, i have a friend that you look like... and she's absolutely gorgeous too
i swear your eyes almost don't
look real theyre so beautiful lol
they have that shape you know...
like the make up too haha gorgeous
i hope recovery is going well :)

Phantasmagorical Delusion said...

Ah, you're absolutely gorgeous!! :D Like, movie star gorgeous! <3 I know, I know, I'm just a total stranger. But I felt compelled to letcha know that I already like your blog, after only having read two entries. Hope you're well!