Monday, April 19, 2010

a REAL update this time.

yesterday was bad. really really bad.

i had a panic attack for about the entire day - a very subtle one. but my pulse was racing like crazy and i couldn't breathe and i was extremely extremely anxious. i really thought something bad was going to happen, like someone was going to do something to hurt me (emotionally, not physically).

in my panic i rearranged the entire kitchen. everything is facing forward, even the lids, and all of it is alphabetized. it took me an hour.
after that hour i was feeling bad again (it helped calm me down a bit, but afterward i always feel the same) and i was crying and upset and my boyfriend asked me if i wanted to come over, i said yes sure but never left because i was in such a bad state. an hour later he texted me asking where i was. i showed up at his house and he wasn't even THERE, he was at target with his sister. i just hung out wth his dad though, which wasn't bad. got home and made dinner (greek salad) and ate a lot because i thought i'd be able to go to the gym.

the gym closes at 8. i couldn't go. i was so pissed i binged on chocolate and threw it all up.

i feel shitty this morning, but i'm going to go get more caffeine to keep my spirits up.

i hope your sunday was better than mine!!


ps.on the bright side, i'm getting thinner! My weight's not going down though :/

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