The Wonders of my Underland: interesting counseling session today./Binge fantasy!!

Have you ever experienced discomfort when the opposite sex has touched you?

I just sort of sat there and stared at her, stupidly. I felt sort of like I did when I tried drugs, like my body was moving slower than my brain and I couldn't move quick enough.

(Yes dear counselor. Several times actually. Men are animals, no matter how sweet they taste.)

"Yeah, i have, only a few times though, it's not a big deal."

I suggest you think about those times and journal about them, and next week let's talk about it.

(Huh. Okay, Obi Wan.)

Silence.

How were you last week?

(Oh, I was okay, counselor. I binged twice and then went back to my OCD yesterday. No big deal, i'm actually really enjoying it. I mean I hate how I feel whenever I have a binge but then the starving part isn't too bad, as long as I'm drinking enough water.)

"I binged out once. And I'm chewing my food until it turns to mush in my mouth again. That's it though."

Wow, I'm such a little sneak :)

I had this super awesome daydream about a binge today, and everything I want to eat in one sitting. I would go to Carl's Jr. and buy the Jalapeno Six Dollar Burger (pepperjack cheese, jalapenos, beef -which i never touch, ever, unless I'm bingeing), a large Oreo shake next door at Baskin Robbins, and a large Criss-Cut Fries. Afterward, I'll go to ANOTHER Carl's and get the Western Bacon Six Dollar Burger and some milk (2 percent, please). (total calories at Carl's: 4200)

I'd go hit Taco Bell afterward and get a Mexican Pizza and a Crunchwrap Supreme and some Cinnamon Twists. And maybe even a Beef Chalupa, if I'm daring enough. (calories at T-Bell: 1650)

Then, I'll go to Coldstone and buy a whole Cookies & Creamery Ice Cream cake and eat all of it (5320 calories), as I sickeningly washing it down with a Venti White Chocolate Mocha from Starbucks (580 calories). Then off to my house to fry a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (don't ask, it's delicious but about 600 calories).

afterward, I'll drink 4L of water and throw EVERYTHING UP, violently until there's nothing but blood in the toilet. THAT is my favorite part, because I have a fear of throwing up and I can't make myself do it. That's why this is called a F A N T A S Y.

total calories consumed: 11750.

if only food didn't torture me. maybe then i'd have a LIFE.

Sasha Roe