returned for good.

Hello everyone... I'm back, and 140 pounds. I"m officially almost overweight. It's killing me. I feel like I have lost everything. So much has happened. New boyfriend... Same college major. I'm in a lot of pain. I miss my restricting. I'm fat now. I'm ready to start over. I'm back because I feel like I have lost something very special, I have lost my purpose in life. It's officially meaningless. I'm back, to find my way back home. I am back to find my anorexia once more. it's the only thing I have left.

I AM BACK.

i can't even tell you guys. i haven't been on this blog in 6 months, and i have gained 20 pounds. i'm so miserable that i'm back here. i need to get back into where i used to be. i'm now addicted to bingeing, not bingeing and purging. not restricting. it is a total nightmare to say the least.

but i'm back, and hoping to beat the scale.

i missed everyone on this blog so much.

new blog.

new blog.
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new blog.

NEW videoblog on tumblr!

hey girls, my lovely little anorexics. just letting y'all know that I've moved accounts over to Tumbler for a vlog account.
recovery isn't going well (actually it's gone down the SHITTER) and so I'm trying to find new and creative ways to get me back on track.
i'd LOVE it if you checked out my videos.

the URL is satisfactionisntanumber.tumblr.com
or you can just click here and there it is.

thank you all. i have missed you soo much. PLEASE join me on tumblr!

xx
Sasha
(p.s. on my VLOG i'm using my real name!! congrats on finding out who i really am :P)

done with blogging.

hello you lovely girls. i'm sorry to say i am going to be leaving you for some amount of time. how long i don't know, but i decided that i need to reprocess my life, try to focus on what is best for me, and decide where to go from here.

i feel like recovery is the best thing possible at this point and i'm going to give it a shot, 100%. i need to be okay with having a few curves here and there. i need to taste life at its fullest. i need this for myself.
i'm still going to be on my email though. it's gauntfuture@hotmail.com if you don't have it already. i'd love to stay in touch with ALL of you so please please drop an email in from time to time telling me how you all are doing!

i'm sorry for being so unexpected about this. my blog won't be deleted- it will only be... well, not updated!

i really do love every single one of you, PLEEEASE email me!

xx
Sasha

the bitch is back!

:) hello everyone! oh how I've missed you! New York was absolutely AMAZING and the college program was stellar - i have returned a million times more enabled for piano than ever before and a new passion has been revived in my heart for it!!

good and bad news!

the good news: i lost 3 pounds when i was there!
the bad news: i gained it back!

yep. i went from sexy to flabby in about 3 days. i'm not quite sure what happened. i think food just begann to overwhelm me at the camp and i jsut started eating again.

the good thing though is i know i can get back down to that little itty bitty girl that i was months ago, i proved it to myself!

a slightly sad deal (okay, to me it's ridiculously tragic and depressing...) is that i have about.... two weeks left to spend with my amazing amazing boyfriend before he goes to kansas.

gulp excuse me?!

god i've been a mental wreck! when i came back from new york last night the first thing i did is go see him. and i spent all morning with him today, as he was packing to leave me till friday!! is this all bad luck or what?
we spent a good deal of our past 24 hours passionately making out because we missed each other so much (sorry...tmi?? i missed him!! he's like the love of my life!)

anyway...blogland is slightly overwhelming me at the moment simply because i haven't logged on in so long! but i'm back and i'll be easing back into reading all your lovely posts and commenting and supporting each and every one of you!

i'm getting off to make dinner (cough, fail, cough) and then go to my "lovely job" (gag).

when my boyfriend comes back friday, and he sees my sexy body in that itty bitty teeny weeny yellow polkadot bikini, he's going to go crazy.


xx
Sasha